of new faces, places and phases… (part 3)
continued from (Part 1 & Part 2)…
As if my life lacked excitement and drama, something happened between Jewel and me. Since this is not THAT kind of a blog, I will leave the details to your imagination. (*snickers*) So anyway, the morning after, Jewel and me resumed our lives. We agreed that what happened was a crazy thing, that it just so happened that we were placed in a situation where things got a little, uh, “gropey”.
Come the next day, I got home really late and Jewel was already asleep. Nothing happened that night. The following days however, Jewel and I started sending sort of sweet messages to each other. Okay, okay, I admit it, I started the sweet messages. I didn’t know why I was sending it, I just felt like it and he would respond the same way. So long story short, something happened again. We debated about telling my ex J (who again is Jewel’s best friend) about what’s been happening but we were concerned about his reaction. Then things started getting more complicated. I was developing feelings for Jewel and I had no qualms telling him about it. He on the other hand said that he was still trying to sort out his feelings. Funny thing is, whenever I would tell him that I should stop with whatever’s happening, he would say that he didn’t want me to stop. Fickle much?
I was starting to feel guilty about not telling J about what’s been happening. One night, I decided I wanted to tell him already and sent him a message asking him if we could meet up. Unfortunately, J wasn’t available so I told him we should meet up soon because I needed to tell him something important. J became concerned and texted Jewel asking if he knew something about what I was going through. Jewel on the other hand, became very guilty and spilled the beans.
As can be expected, J was very upset about what happened. He sent me a message telling me how disappointed he was and how he didn’t want to talk to me. The way he worded the text message seemed like he was angry only at me. I kept thinking “what the hell did Jewel tell him?”. After a couple of days, i couldn’t take the cold war and drove all the way to J’s house during rush hour traffic and was able to connive with his siblings to stop J when he told them he was going out.
When I was finally able to speak to J, he told me what Jewel told him, which unfortunately confirmed my suspicions. From the way Jewel recounted the events, it appeared that I started everything, that Jewel didn’t have any feelings for me at all and that I was pressuring him to feel a certain way. I told J my version of the story and I could see that he was conflicted. Who was he to believe, his ex or his best friend? I told him that he should just go ahead and believe Jewel. I knew what the truth was and I didn’t need to convince him otherwise.
Up until now, J and I are not back to normal. I treasure our friendship very much and I feels like the crazy thing with Jewel put a strain on the friendship. I’m sad that things are this way, but I’m crossing my fingers that it will change. It has to.
To those who think it’s all a bunch of crock, I am living proof that “sex is the best way to ruin a friendship”. I’m just hoping that ours is a friendship that surpasses these kinds of experiences.
’nuff said.
swan song…
So here I was wasting a perfectly good evening grading papers due to be submitted the next day when all of a sudden a flash of inspiration hit me. While I was grading papers, I decided I needed the background noise so I played a couple of episodes of the Wonder Years I was able to download off the net.
The 18th Episode of the 3rd Season entitled “Faith” was playing in the background while I was grading what seemed like the 1,000th paper (*chuckles*). In the episode, Kevin Arnold and his 8th grade class were asked to write their Obituaries. I was amused and at the same shocked that such an assignment would be given to 14 year olds. Granted, it was television, but at the time the Wonder Years was on air, its target demographic wasn’t just adults reminiscing their youth, but also young people like me (incidentally, I think at the time it was showing, I was approximately the same age as Kevin Arnold).
The episode started with Kevin Arnold not taking the assignment seriously until events in his life and the world around him made him realize that there are things far greater than himself, such as family and faith.
It got me thinking… what would my Obituary read when I, uh, bit the bullet? Would it be a testament to my “exploits? To my “search for the one”? A funny thought came to mind… could it read something like this?
“[Insert my real name here]… he dated a lot.”
I shudder at the thought that I would be known not for the sum of all my parts, but only for those parts that people saw. But then again, what we are or who we are as individuals are what we choose to show people. So, just in case my future obituary does not capture what I think my life would be (is) then I hope you will indulge me if I write my own.
I would like to believe that my obituary would read something like this:
[Insert my real name here]
He is truly Suigeneris… A jene sais quoi.
Short eh? It took quite a while trying to figure out nice things to say about me. After about 30 minuts of thinking, I realized that I could write novels of how great I think I would be a couple of decades from now… but did I really want to be known only for being this great son, brother, friend or partner? No. I would rather be known as someone who could not be completely encapsulated by highfaluting phrases.
So there you go folks. My Obituary. My life, in 8 words.
’nuff said.
of new places, faces and phases (part 2)
so where were we? Oh yeah, so Mr. Introvert was able to find me this apartment near our old place but the catch was, I had to do major renovations on the unit. I enlisted the help of my architect friend, Jewel to design the new space and make the apartment one I could call home. I decided that I would spare no expense in making the new place a home, and so, the renovations began quickly. Our target deadline was for me to move in by the end of November, just in time for the deadline set by Mr. Introvert, since his aunt and uncle were going to stay at the Condo while visiting from the US for the holidays.
Unfortunately, the renovations took longer than expected and I could not move in by the deadline. Nonetheless, I packed and hauled my stuff to the new apartment while renovations were being made. Jewel was nice enough to offer his place as a temporary home for the one week delay. Since my only choices was to live in a hotel for a week, I chose the less costly alternative and bunked with Jewel.
Then things started getting interesting, or complicated, depending on how you look at it. You see, my exes have told me that I have the uh, tendency to be “frisky” when I’m asleep. Either my hands get all “gropey” or I unconsciously get their hands and place them inside my, uh, drawers (believe me I have no memories of any of these things happening upon waking). Since Jewel was also moving out to a new apartment, we had to share a bed. For the first two nights, I was very conscious and careful not to let anything happen. I confided in my ex, J (who happens to be Jewel’s best friend) that I was afraid that something would happen between me and Jewel.
[Okay short background on how I met Jewel. Jewel is my ex, J's best friend. When J and I became friends again, the three of us, Jewel, J and I became really close. In fact I consider them part of my extended family].
So going back, for the first two nights, I made a conscious effort to make sure that nothing would happen between me and Jewel. I actually didn’t see him that way, but I could never trust myself in bed with another guy (hahaha!). Anyway, so after the first two nights, I started to relax. It was looking like nothing was going to happen after all. Then… something did happen.
(to be continued…)
of new places, faces and phases… (part 1)
The last quarter of 2011 brought so many changes in my life that to say that it’s one heck of a quarter is an understatement.
In the month of October I broke up with my most recent flame Mr. Introvert. I met Mr. Introvert through a site www.planetromeo.com which, for the uninitiated, is a sight where gay guys cruise other gay guys. Pretty simple right? Well.. after you’ve sifted through the guys out there just to “play” and money boys who would want nothing more than to squeeze you out of your hard-earned pesos, you actually get to meet guys who are, who you’d call a catch.
Mr. Introvert and I started dating about June of 2010 and we “fell in love”. *wink*. About two months after, I moved into his place, since the lease on my condo was up for renewal. We both decided it would be economical if we just stayed in one place. It was the logical thing to do, considering I was spending most of my time there, or he would spend most of his time at my condo. It was a mature relationship. We barely fought and we generally had a good time. Sex was not the best but it was satisfying. I genuinely loved the guy… but… we were just too different. His being an introvert and my being an extrovert were tearing us apart.
After about a year of dating we decided to end the relationship. I honestly thought that our break up was one of the most mature breakups I’ve had since I started dating, but boy, was I wrong. To cut a very long and unhealthy story short, suffice to say that we ended things on a very sour note – him being bitter and sour about the whole break up.
Since Mr. Introvert and I decided to end our relationship, I quickly had to find a new place. Luckily, Mr. Introvert (during the time that we were still friends) was able to find this apartment near our old place which made it very ideal considering that I needed to retain my nanny to take care of my dog, and of course me. :0)
… to be continued.
a long time coming…
wow! it’s been quite awhile since I’ve written here. Here’s hoping that with this post, I begin to write again.
the little boy and the big boy in all of us…
Funny thing happened to me last weekend.
After a night of dancing and bonding with my gay circle of friends at a bar here in Ortigas, I arrived at the condo at about 6 a.m. Although I was tired and sleepy, I was hungry, so I grabbed a sandwich at the nearby 7-11 and turned the TV on to accompany while I ate. When I turned on the TV I was surprised to find that Pinoy Box Office (PBO) Channel was showing this gay-themed indie movie. I decided to keep it on thinking that I’d be turning it off in about 5 minutes after I finished eating.
Boy was I wrong.
The movie I inadvertently tuned into is titled “Little Boy, Big Boy” written by Lex Bonife, Directed by Joselito Altarejos and stars indie-gay-themed movie veterans Paolo Rivero and Douglas Robinson.
Gay-themed Indie movies are a dime a dozen in Philippine Cinema these days. In my honest opinion, the early ones were among the best. They were earnest and really sought to drive home a point. The newer ones (again, in my honest opinion) seem more of a gratuitous display of sex or an attempt to make soft core porn in the guise of an indie film. Don’t get me wrong, I do come across newer indie movies that have cinematic value but like I said, they are far and in between.
Other than the suspicious amount of sex, newer indie movies also tend to show how decrepit living in Metro Manila can become. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that they shouldn’t show shanties or the poor side of Metro Manila, but hey, every Indie movie seem to center on the low-lifes, the crime rate, incestuous relationships and even sex-for-pay and it get’s tiresome. Not to sound snobbish but as a Gay Urban Professional (or a “Guppy”) I couldn’t really relate to those kinds of movies. Yeah, they’re good for the shock value, but after the initial shock it gets repetitive.
While watching the first scenes of this movie, I was almost sure that this movie was headed way down south. But as the movie progressed I found myself immersed and genuinely interested to watch the interaction of the characters, their development as well as the story line. There was an earnestness in the movie that I found lacking in other indie films.
The movie was without flaws though. The acting wasn’t the best out there, but for the most part it was believable. Also the conflict that was introduced to “stir-up” the relationship was not really developed. There was a promise of a good conflict, but probably because of constraints, the development of the conflict had to be cut short. The lines were believable, although there were times when certain lines made me cringe (not in a good way) because they were either too cheesy or just didn’t work.
One major flaw I think was that story ended prematurely and that there was really no palpable resolution. Yes there was a hint of the main character “maturing” so to speak from being a “little boy” to becoming a “big boy” but I think it would have been better if there were scenes showing that maturity. The movie did end however on a cliffhanger, so the fate of the main characters’ love story is left to the audience to decide for themselves.
Notwithstanding these flaws though, I still think “Little Boy and Big Boy” is a great movie. Kudos to the writer Lex Bonife for a worthy script and showing his potential to equal that of American Gay-themed movies. Also kudos to the Director, Joselito Alteros for the creative camera angles and for also being able to extract believability from his actors, which for me is very important when making movies. You want your audience to get lost in those 120 minutes or so that they are watching the movie.
What I also found refreshing was that the sex scenes were not used as the highlight of the movie but helped the story along. The movie focused on the relationships and a gay man’s struggle to find a deeper meaning to what constitutes “happiness” and “being in a committed relationship”. It was a nice and welcome change to just watch a movie that I could relate to more than being aroused at.
I guess what I related to most in the movie was the central story-line. I’ve always wanted a committed monogamous relationship, but as I grow older, I’m starting to think that monogamous gay relationships are becoming a white elephant. It’s very hard to find and you’re not quite sure if it even exists. The optimist and the idealist in me still say that these relationships exist, but the pragmatist in me say that in order to get them, you have to compromise something else.
Am I right? Well, only time will tell.
’nuff said.
where are you…
(Originally written on 23 Mar 2010 at 12:34 a.m.)
Funny thing happened to me today. As luck would have it, I seemed to have forgotten to pay my phone bill for the past two months and the TELCO I’m subscribed to decided to bar all my outgoing services, including my internet access.
Without Facebook or YM to whittle away idle time, I decided to prop open my laptop and write. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve written, not for lack of time, but really for lack of inspiration.
Sure I’d get a a glimpse of a good idea to write about, but just as soon as I opened my laptop and began clickety-clacking on the keyboard, the idea just seemed to vanish, or I get tired of composing melodramatic ramblings about my life… I guess all I needed was a blocked internet connection to un-block a writer’s block (whew! three “blocks” is definitely too much. hehe)
So anyway, the last quarter of 2009 and the first quarter of this year have been quite interesting to say the least. I’ve mentioned in my previous post about my girl-friends taking the plunge head long into marriage and how I felt about it…
Now multiply that into three and you sorta get the weird place I am right now. My housemates, all 5 of us, 4 girls and 1 guy, and already 3 of my closest friends are married, and the last girl is engaged. My other friends who are gay/lesbians have their own respective long term relationships. So much so that a lesbian couple friend of mine are even moving to a house together in preparation for their future family.
So that leaves me.
I’ve been single for about 3-4 months now, give or take. My last relationship which lasted for close to two years fizzled out. It wasn’t really something that could be helped, but suffice to say, we just decided it wasn’t worth fighting for. We’re still not talking, but I’m hoping that someday, like my other exes, J can be a good friend.
Going back, I’ve witnessed my friends fall in love and make that leap towards the next step and I begin to question my choices and where my life is headed. I couldn’t help but think that I was beginning to feel out of place in a sea of married couples or even those who are in a relationship. I’d always kid my friends that it was starting to get hard to be around them because I would always be a 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel. I jest but in reality I do feel the sting of being the only single one among the bunch.
I’ve started dating again, but for some reason or another I just can’t take the next step with the guys I’m dating. Something in me just stops. I long for that inaudible “click” you hear (or feel) when things just fall in place. I miss that excited skip my heart makes when I know I’m going to be with someone I’ve been longing to see. But I don’t have that now.
Have I become too jaded because of my past? I hope not. I pray to God that isn’t so.
I know I have to be patient and wait for the right time, but seeing all these lovey-dovey couples surrounding me, I can’t help but feel the pressure.
And so I end this post with a quiet plea to the one who’s meant for me. I know I have to wait for you, but please help me find you.
’nuff said.
After A Century of the New Millenium
Yesterday, wearing my recently acquired suit, I went to attend the wedding of one of my closest friends. The second one, to uh, “bite the bullet”. The ceremony was beautiful and attended only by those closest to the couple. It just so happens that one of the couple’s closest friends was an ex of mine – Mr. No Commitment. I already knew beforehand that he was coming and we even talked the night before because we were supposed to meet up with another set of my friends whom he had grown close to when we were still together.
It was the first time after a long time (about more than 2 years) that I would see him again. Although we had begun to communicate again during the latter part of 2009, we didn’t have a chance to meet up, probably because there was really no effort on both sides to find a way for that to happen. I was surprised to find myself excited to see him again and I could feel something stir inside me.
When I saw him enter the reception hall, I felt my pulse quicken. I pointed him out to my friends, trying not to sound too excited. But alas, my friends knew me better. With knowing smiles etched on their faces, they greeted Mr. No Commitment with hugs when he approached our table. All throughout the reception I tried my best to act very nonchalant and made sure that he didn’t notice the beginnings of an internal struggle brewing inside me.
The couple had asked Mr. No Commitment to sing during the reception. I was on the buffet table helping myself to dinner when I heard his all too familiar voice as he crooned “How Did You Know”. I almost dropped my plate. I forgot how good he was at singing. The internal struggle changed from a slight simmer to near boiling point. I felt my blood rush to my face as I quickly composed myself and returned to my seat. Luckily for me, my seat was in such a position that my back was facing him. I stole quick furtive glances while he was singing (which was all I could afford by the way, seeing how my friends – with their knowing smiles - were looking at me).
After the reception, Mr. No Commitment and I went back to my place to change for our night out with my other friends. While changing to our less formal clothes, we would ask the other to turn around while the other was changing. We both joked about how “we’ve already seen each other with nothing on” but I didn’t want to risk anything. I knew I wanted something to happen, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea to pursue.
While en route to meet up with my friends, we exchanged stories about how our lives have changed since we, uh, uncoupled. He was surprised at how different (translation: more liberated) my views now are as compared to when we were together. I on the other hand, was amused at how he had changed from the party boy i knew to a homebody who didn’t feel the need to even date and go out.
All throughout the evening, I found myself touching his arms, his back or his legs while chatting with my friends. It was nice and it felt right, just like I never stopped doing it for years. I began to ask myself the question:
“Have we matured enough to give it one more shot?”
Quite frankly, I don’t know the answer. As I shared with my friends (while Mr. No Commitment was conveniently in the rest room), I can still feel a very strong attraction towards him and I had a very strong feeling that he felt the same way. I could see it with the way he looked at me, and how our body parts (from our knees, arms, shoulders or even fingers) would touch “innocently” while talking or laughing at something funny.
When he brought me home, I asked him if he wanted to come up (which of course, we both knew, would lead to something else). He declined since it was already close to 5 a.m. in the morning. I was actually okay with him not coming up because I had to wake up early as well and I still wasn’t sure if I really wanted something to happen between us.
I was afraid that the sheer force of it will catapult me back to being in love (or was it obsessed? haha) with him. I wasn’t sure if what I felt for him was just vulnerability, having broken up with my recent boyfriend just a couple of weeks ago. We promised to keep in
touch and too see each other more. What that will lead to, only time will tell.
Mr. No Commitment has definitely changed, I could see that. But as my friend pointed out (to which my brain agrees to), Mr. No Commitment still is as he was… Mr. No Commitment. Do I really think I’m mature enough to handle that?
My brain says “No”… but my heart and my loins tell me otherwise. Who will win? Again… only time will tell.
‘Nuff said.
and then 2010…
And so another year came to a close. At first I though 2009 wasn’t THAT exciting, but during the last quarter, 2009 decided it wasn’t done with me yet. In those final three months before a new year would begin, choices were made that definitely changed me.
First off, I was finally able to move on to a new job. This time, I’m working for a large conglomerate with a very diverse portfolio. The work is exciting and the people I meet are interesting, to say the least. I just can’t seem to shrug the feeling though, that I jumped from the frying pan into the fire (with my luck I probably did! Haha). The new job entails me to become a master at office politics to dodge bullets directly or indirectly aimed at me (yikes!). I’m still here, so I guess I’m doing better than some of my predecessors who only lasted about a month or so. Let’s see.
One significant event occured during Christmas Eve. I’ve been meaning to have it happen for the longest time already, but there were just too many things going on that I decided to put it off. Finally, when December 24 came, I knew that it was the right time. The whole day I was fidgety, pre-occupied and stressed at how things would turn out. On Christmas Eve, I finally decided to open the closet doors and let myself out. I finally mustered enough courage to tell my mom who I really was.
It was very hard to start at first, but when I did, the rest followed. It helped that my mom was very open to the idea and encouraged me to just say what I wanted to say. She would politely ask questions and was genuinely interested to hear my answers. It was also during our conversation that I came to realize how much my Mom did love me. She accepts me for who I am and is not ashamed of what I choose to become.
It’s such a great feeling that I am now finally out of the closet and that the person most important to me, already knows who I truly am. It’s such a relief to not worry about being found out and hurting the people I care the most. When I woke up the next morning, I was afraid that things would change in my relationship with my mom. I’m very happy to say that things didn’t change. It was as if she had known all along and that I had never kept a very big secret. There were a couple of times during the day that I asked myself if my “talk” with her was just a dream.
As I bid my goodbye to 2009 and welcome 2010 with open arms, I promised myself that I will make things right or at least fight valiantly to set things right. And the best part is… I think I’m on the right track.
’nuff said.
an ode to don quixote…
(NOTE: I found this draft of a post I wrote about less than a year ago, around Dec. 24, 2008. Decided to port it over here with a new date)
About a month ago, I hailed a cab on my way home after staying very very late in the office. After giving instructions to the cab driver on where to go, I focused my attention on the small LCD screen right in front of me which was conveniently installed behind the front passenger seat. From what I know, its a new form of advertising that started with buses, waiting stations and convenience stores and has become the “new thing” in advertising nowadays. Apparently, cab owners and operators alike did not want to be left out so they installed these small LCD screens inside their taxi cabs. This was actually the second time that I have chanced upon a cab with the installed tv screen.
Anyway, the screen mostly shows inane ads and short “America’s Funniest Videos” type of uh, well, videos. It helps to whittle away the boredom specially when you’re stuck in traffic, but after a couple of minutes, the looped videos getboring.
What piqued my interest was this short animation about a kiwi, or some duck or bird-like animal with no wings. (Sorry can’t give much of a description. The animation was kooky, so I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of animal I was looking at. The animation said it was a Kiwi so I guess I can’t argue with the author).
The short animation began with Kiwi, pulling a rope and tying it to a tree. He appears to be securing the tree on the side of a cliff with a hammer, nails and some rope. Kiwi continues on with this task until he has sufficiently and haphazardly (and unbelievably, if I might add) nailed about 20 or so trees on the side of the cliff.
The shot then pans and we see little Kiwi looking down at his handywork from the top edge of the cliff. From there, the viewer is given a chance to see what Kiwi was seeing while looking down: trees nailed and secured on the side of the cliff. Kiwi was jumping up and down with joy and clapping his feet together in evident pride for what he has accomplished.
I began to think “What the?!?“, but before I could continue, little Kiwi ran away from the edge of the cliff and returned with those old fighter plane goggles secured on top of his head. Then without warning, Kiwi jumps over the edge of the cliff, falling nose-down into the side of the cliff. I was incredulous. “What the hell was this little guy thinking?!?“
The camera angle changes to landscape and you begin to understand why little Kiwi went through all the trouble of nailing the trees to the side of the cliff. As the camera angle changes, he appears to be flying over a field of trees, when in reality he is actually falling down the edge of the cliff. Kiwi stretches out his feather-less wings (stumps would be a more accurate description) and continues to fall. As closes his eyes to take in the mirage that he had created, a facade to make himself believe that he could fly, you see a tear blown away by the wind.
Little Kiwi then continues to fall down the cliff and disappears as he falls further down. The animation fades to black and you are left wondering what happend to the little guy who thought he could.
I was actually perturbed after seeing the short animation. I felt sorry for little Kiwi who had to resort to such machinations to delude himself into thinking that he could fly. Despite the impending doom awaiting Kiwi at the bottom of the cliff, he appeared to be the happiest, uh, creature. Kiwi reminded me of another character plagued with delusions of grandeur – Don Quixote, who became obsessed with books of chivalry, and believed their every word to be true, despite the fact that many of the events in them are clearly impossible. Regardless of how insane both Kiwi and Don Quixote appeared to the outside world, they were genuinely happy and content… something that I haven’t been for the longest time.
’nuff said.
the new stuff…
Okay guys, as I posted a couple of days ago, I have been porting over my old posts to this new blog and I’ve decided to spice things up a bit. I’ve been writing on and off for as far back as I can remember (including my paper journals and other written works prior to blogging) and I sometimes find myself stumped for new ideas to write about.
I promised myself that despite my very hectic work and personal life, I would continue writing for many reasons, the most important of which is provide myself with an avenue to just let myself go and unleash thoughts which, If I voiced to my friends or strangers , would be considered taboo, too personal or just plain idiotic (haha).
I have already classified my older posts to fit the new sections so that it will be easier to find them. For now, the posts are divided into two major Sections: COUNT ME IN and IT’S ALL IN THE MIND.
COUNT ME IN. This is where you will find my attempts at being a gadget freak, food critic and movie buff. The posts here will involve my thoughts on the latest gadgets I own or want to own, restaurants and food I fancy and movies/tv shows I’ve seen or want to see.
As frequently as I can, I will give you guys my insights on movies and tv shows (whether past or present) that have captured my interest, complete with favorite scenes and unforgettable quotes.
Tech Tuesdays will involve posts about anything that uses 1’s and 0’s as its primary language.
Isn’t this self explanatory? Haha. Food Fridays will center on anything and everything food-related whether it be my vain attempts to overcook Bobby Flay or my delusions of becoming a well known food/restaurant critic.
IT’S ALL IN THE MIND. These include thoughts and opinions on life, love, health, the gay life and everything else in between, such as:
FIT N’ RIGHT
Here, I will discuss my attempts at finding a healthier lifestyle (yeah, right).
RANDOM THOUGHTS
Being a Taurean has blessed me (or cursed me, depends on how you look at it) with an innate and insatiable curiosity to “figure things out”. When I was a kid, I would take apart my toys and try to reassemble them, in the hopes of finding out what makes them tick. As I grew up, I turned my idle and curious mind to figuring out people and relationships. This is what this section is all about.
THE PINK LIFE
The Pink Life posts normally go hand in hand with Random Thoughts posts, with one special limitation. Pink Life posts are random musings about gay life and it’s adventures (or misadventures).
As if I couldn’t get any gay-er (hahaha). For the fans of the Series, or those who were able to sit through a whole episode, you’d know that Carrie Bradshaw always begins the episode with a question which then becomes the central theme for that episode. The posts for the SATC Saturdays section will be my attempt to answer Carrie’s questions with a Pink twist.
So there you have it folks! I hope you enjoy these new sections, just as much as I will have fun writing them.
Check back once in awhile! See ya!
’nuff said.
things to come…
Over the past month or so, I’ve been porting over my blog posts from my old blog, Blogger to WordPress. It was a daunting task, having had to port over more than 60 posts and not to mention check my grammar (haha).
Anyhow, expect new things to come, new categories and new exciting stuff to breathe life to an almost 6-year old blog.
Catch you later!
cosmo body update…
Okay, it’s been about close to a month since I’ve started taking Cosmo Body. I’ve already finished one bottle and I’m on my second.
People have really noticed the weight loss, even people at work who see me everyday, who normally won’t noticeweight loss until its glaring because they see you everyday.
Back then when I started gaining the weight and going up sizes, I took all my smaller sized clothes and those that did not fit anymore and put them in a box. Just last weekend, I sifted through my boxes and tried on some of my clothes and they fit!!! Not all of them fit though, but it was such a treat to be able to wear almost half of my “stored” skinny clothes. My pants are also a bit loose now.
To date, I’ve lost about 14 lbs already. I know the weight loss isn’t that big since I already lost about 10 lbs in one week, but I stopped looking at the weighing scale now and started focusing on how my body looks and my clothes fit.
your song…
You sometimes forget how a song has made such an impact on you at one point in your life until you hear it again. Just recently, I was at the smoking lounge of my office building when an all too familiar song played on my iPod. It was “Love Me For What I Am” originally sung by the very talented Karen Carpenter. I was listening to the version of Martin Nievera and I couldn’t help but be transported to that point in my life when the song was so apt and fitting. Knowing that an “emo” moment was about to come, I smiled to myself and shrugged the memories away. I told myself that I wasn’t in the same situation anymore… heck, I’m in a better place now.
It’s amazing how a song – whether it be a love song, pop song, or any other type of genre – can capture life’s moments and tell a story in 3-4 minutes. Songs have been written about love, sacrifice, family, religion, and even war. Unless you’re melophobic (read: fears/hates music) songs have been a part of our lives from the time we hear our first lullaby, down to the last song sang to us during our farewell services (eek, morbid much?).
While I tried my best to suppress the memories brought about by hearing the song, the song did make me think about two couples (friends of mine) who are currently in a similar situation I found myself oh so many years ago. One couple couldn’t even admit to themselves that their relationship was over and the other couple is at a crossroads of their relationship and are deciding whether they should break up or remain together, despite the miles separating them. They all have ideas of how their partners should act, how the relationship should progress and what the relationship should be at this point in time. All of them fail or unconsciously refuse to compromise their ideals and they are left frustrated. It reached a point that they couldn’t love each other for just what the other could offer. It’s not their fault at all… it’s just how things have become.
I pray to God I’m wrong and they fix things, but I’m sure that no matter what happens to my friends, they will find a song that when they listen to come a few years after, they will think back and remember this point of their lives.
So what’s your song?
’nuff said.
cosmo body day 8: the results…
For 7 days I tried my best to be faithful to the Cosmo Body 7-Day Challenge. Save for the last day where all hell broke loose, I think I was able to stay as close as possible to the prescribed meal plan. I stepped on the weighing scale with so much anticipation I felt like I was watching the final results show of American Idol.
Guess how much I lost?
(drum roll, please…)
10 lbs!!!!
I couldn’t describe what I was feeling when I saw the needle stop at 180 lbs. You can rest assured that I’m not stopping at 10 lbs. I’ve been going to the gym religiously for about two weeks now and so far people have started noticing the weight loss. My clothes also fit better now. (yay me!)
I know I could have lost a lot more if I didn’t pig out when I went to the province, but I realized that couple of pounds not lost is nothing compared to seeing my mom smile while I was wolfing down the meal she slaved over in anticipation for my homecoming.
So here’s hoping I continue the weight loss. Anybody care to join me on this journey?
cosmo body day 7: all diet hell breaks loose…
Er, a little dramatic huh?
Day 7 was a Saturday and I went home to the province to visit my mom. I make it a point to go to the province every time the Government declares a long weekend holiday. What I didn’t know was that Day 7 was the day when all diet hell broke loose. While on the way to the province, I mentally promised myself that I wasn’t going to eat anymore and stick to my diet. My family is aware of my uh, diet experiments and they’ve been quite supportive of them.
When I got home at about 9 p.m., I found out that my mom cooked Turbo Broiled Liempo for dinner and Misua Soup (uh-oh). A few minutes of smelling a home-cooked meal and I could feel all my strength and resolve slowly waft away. I told myself that I was just going to eat a small portion not to hurt my mom’s feelings (she kept telling me that she decided to cook Turbo Broiled Liemp and Misua Soup because she knew I haven’t had a decent meal for a couple of weeks). What appeared to be small bites turned into a big serving and I even helped myself to seconds… and thirds.
I thought to myself quietly… “uh-oh there goes the Cosmo Body 7-day Challenge!” Truth be told, I did enjoy the dinner and what I enjoyed most about it, is that I made my mom happy. So I stopped worrying about the diet and just enjoyed the company of my family.
Next up… the RESULTS!!
cosmo body day 6: all the beef and veggies i can eat…
Finally, feast day has arrived! woohoo!
For Day 6, I can eat all the Beef and veggies to my heart’s content. I decided to go all the way and my boyfriend and I went to Sweet Inspirations at Katipunan Ave where I ate all you can eat Mongolian Bowl.
Okay okay, before you raise your arms in protest, my bowl was just all Beef and veggies. No rice, noodles, no pork, chicken, or even fish. So basically, it’s really just sauteed beef and veggies. But boy, was it really good! As much as I wanted to eat a lot, I was only able to finish about two half-filled bowls
For tomorrow, day 7, its supposed to be brown rice, fruit juices and veggies. Let’s see how I fare.
cosmo body day 5: beef & tomatoes…
Okay, so Day 5′s meal plan consists of two 10 oz. beef and six tomotoes. At first I thought, 10 oz. wasn’t a lot, but when I converted it to kilograms, it’s roughly about 1/2 a kilo. I already bought hamburger patties at the grocery and decided to cook them with the tomatoes. I sauteed them with garlic power, white and black pepper.
Believe me, it tastes better than it looks. hehe. It sorta tastes like keema (one of those grilled beef thingies at persian/kebab places).
For dinner I bought beef strips from the grocery and marinated it with garlic powder, calamansi and lots and lots of pepper. I fried it with canola oil and after that, I took out most of the oil and used it to stir-fry the veggies (bell peppers, tomotaoes and mushroom). Now, this sounds a lot better in theory than how it turned out (hahaha). The beef turned out a bit tough because I let it fry for too long, and the stir fried veggies were uh, tasteless.
Day 6 is a feast day because I can eat all the beef and veggies I want. yay!
cosmo body day 4: bananas & milk…
I can’t believe how fast time flies! I’m on the 4th day of the Cosmo Body 7-Day Challenge! The meal for Day 4 consists of eight (8) bananas, two (2) glasses of milk and supposedly the Special Soup.
I didn’t have time to cook the special soup and I couldn’t find the Lipton Onion Soup pack required to make it, so I 
decided to make good with the banana-milk combination. Also, since I don’t drink milk, I again decided to deviate from the plan and got myself Selecta Choco. Selecta Choco was the one with the least number of calories then other brands.
So I went to the gym again tonight and after a good work out, I weighed myself again.
(drum roll please…)
I lost a total of 7 lbs as of today!!!!
I’m very happy at how the lbs just seem to melt away. I told myself when I started the 7-day Cosmo Body Challenge that I wouldn’t count the lbs and just base the weight loss on how my body looks, which has always been my motto regarding weight loss. I always believed that weight is not that important as one can weigh heavily but still look great because of big bone structure, muscle weight, etc. But man, I just can’t help looking at the scale and get excited when I weigh myself.
cosmo body day 3: veggies and fruits…
Day 3 of the 7-Day Cosmo Body Challenge is about a mixture of the day 1 and 2 allowed food intake, which are fruits and veggies.
I started my day with DOLE apple slices I bought from 7-11. For lunch, I bought a mixed greens salad with vinaigrette dressing. For dinner, I deviated slightly from the meal plan. hehe.
I was at the mall when I passed by Mongolian Quick Stop. I was really hungry and couldn’t help myself. So I bought a Green and Lite Mongolian Bowl which consist of all the vegetables you can heap on your bowl. I opted out of noodles and rice. I didn’t really feel that guilty while eating it because I figured that it was just like eating sauteed veggies.
